Edward's Vigil
by Pforte
Summary: Edward spends the night doing what he's good at - watching over Bella and being emo.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own Twilight. The Twilight universe was created by Stephenie Meyer and consequently belongs to her. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

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**Edward's Vigil**

A faint blush lingers on her face, still. Drawn to it, to her, I caress her cheek lightly, careful not to wake her. With a sigh she moves into the touch, the cold. She has strange reflexes for a human but that's my Bella. Her hair is in utter disarray, reminiscent of a nest, and I can't help smiling. Self-conscious as she is, she will never understand why I find her beautiful every second of the day, even if her hair looks like a haystack and she hides her body under the most unflattering clothes. And yet, her wedding dress took my breath away and I would have shed tears if I were able. I must thank Alice for this – perfecting the happiest day of my existence.

"Edward," Bella mumbles and just like that the favourite part of my nights has begun. I cherish these hours above anything since they offer me glimpses into the only conscience that is foreign to me. When I'm with Bella, there is nothing but silence. It's infuriating at times, especially when she is talking herself into something highly dangerous or absurd. But if I believed in fate, I wouldn't doubt for a second that Bella was made for me. Hearing the thoughts of everyone around one can be overwhelming and bothersome. It's a curse and a blessing. With Bella there is no choice and I wouldn't have it any other way.

She is all warmth and softness and _life_ and I will never tire of looking at her, listening to her. Last night, Alice decorated the house and its surroundings with candles and lanterns and the light sneaks through the glass front of my room and illuminates my Bella, engrossing her completely in different shades of the whole colour spectrum. How curious that a human girl has the power to turn my endless night into a blindingly bright summer day just by existing.

"Oh," she sighs and turns her head. "Oh, Edward." The blush on her face deepens, spreading down her neck, and, _oh_, she bites her lip. I can imagine only too well what she is dreaming about. Undiluted joy diffuses every atom of my existence and the mere thought warms my un-beating heart, does strange things to my breathing. The memory of her slim body arching beneath my hesitant hands is fresh and exhilarating. The blood pumped faster through her the lower my hands travelled, marking her body as mine. Her delicious smell was everywhere, still is, and it's the most exquisite torture imaginable. The only human experience she wished for and even I had never felt more _alive_.

"Bella Masen," I whisper into the silent room. It sounds natural, even though it is everything but. I am dooming, poisoning her with my love but there is no escape, neither for her nor for me. I am beyond relieved that I have not harmed her tonight, that she is still whole and capable of dreaming of the impossible night, made possible by devotion and strength of mind. It was undoubtedly worth it. As much as I tried to persuade her to be reasonable and wait, it's what she wanted more than anything else and I cannot deny that I have longed for it, too. I close my eyes to relive the moment she closed _her_ eyes and moaned my name. Sweetest agony. Tonight makes the _very_ top of my list.

The awareness of how close I came to losing her almost spoils the sweetness of the moment. Jealousy doesn't become me, is an ugly and despicable monster, but I'm possessive where Bella is concerned. How could I not be? She is my life.

"Hmm," she makes and reaches for me in her sleep. Her hand comes to rest on my arm. "Love you." My breath catches at her words and the faint smile on her face. Tonight I have no doubt whatsoever that she means me, thinks of me and me alone. I'm not proud of what I have done to win her, my Bella, but living without her – it's unthinkable. I can finally admit it to myself, now that she agreed to be mine.

The familiar warmth and almost imperceptible weight of her hand are strangely reassuring. I lean closer and inhale her sweet and floral scent. When she is like me – cold and hard as stone – her softness and fragile beauty will be but a memory. I'm ashamed to even think it, give in to it – this, my darkest desire – but I will gratefully embrace the change. Only then, we will never have to part and I will finally be able to hold her without the fear of breaking her. The light intruding our little paradise from outside is reflected and breaks on the gems of her ring. It throws little rainbow-coloured spots on my white arm. They are dancing up and down my cold flesh with every tiny movement Bella makes in her sleep. A rendezvous with death. My sigh is soundless. I wish I could offer her life instead of death. I wish I could give her the world instead of stealing her away from it.

Bella frowns as if she senses my gloomy thoughts. I can only tell myself that I tried everything in my power to keep her human. It feels like a lie but I won't alienate her by forcing her into something she doesn't want. No, never again. The memories the dog was so willing to share – the pictures of her broken body, the defeated look in her eyes – will never leave me. I want her safe but, above all, I want her to be happy. And as inexplicable as it is, this beautiful and oversensitive girl wants to be with me, wretched creature that I am.

Pressing my cold lips against her forehead, I can't help but wonder that this is as close to redemption as I will ever come.

_Fin_

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**Feedback** is always welcome and keeps Bella warm!


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